BY REQUEST: FABULOUS KITCHEN COULTLERY!



"She speaks to you through me and I have to tell you right now -- I didn't plan to talk about this -- right now I feel her. I feel her presence. She's inside me, and she's talking to you." – John Edwards, Plaintiffs Attorney, Campbell v. Pitt Memorial Hospital.

This presumably is the quote Ann Coulter was referencing this past weekend when she called Sen. John Edwards a “faggot.”

I will grant you this, Ms. Coulter – It does sound pretty gay, and Sen. Edwards does indeed have hair with voluminous body that shines.

BUT QUIT PICKING ON GUYS THAT TALK PRETTIER AND LOOK PRETTIER THAN YOU!

First and foremost, it must be understood that Sen. John Edwards began his career as a trial lawyer. Anyone who has ever witnessed a trial as a juror or otherwise has probably noticed the prominently placed portrait of Raymond Burr, which you will find hanging in every proper courtroom across this nation. Most of you may also know that Raymond Burr practiced under the alias Perry Mason.

Raymond Burr was gay. Perry Mason was not. Now, you can begin to see how such a confusing contradiction presented by the nation’s foremost legal mind might have had a very impressionable effect on the young John Edwards as a student of pretty talking and law.

The pretty hair can only be explained as a correlation to his success as a trial lawyer. The more money you make – the more expensive the shampoo and cream rinses you can afford. It’s a simple equation, really.

The truly inexplicable variable in this whole mess is Ann Coulter herself. Why so angry, dear? Perhaps if we can tap into your inner-child we can begin to help you face the hatred, disappointment, and missed opportunities that have brought you to this deep, dark place. Wait – I’m hearing something. It’s you as a young girl -- she’s speaking…"She speaks to you through me and I have to tell you right now -- I didn't plan to talk about this -- right now I feel her. I feel her presence. She's inside me, and she's talking to you."

P.S. – Sen. Edwards, I won’t tell if you don’t.